Chapter 9 – 3. My and Your Hut (End)

3. My and Your Hut (End)

The night is long.

Night after night, the endless night, continued.

Where on earth am I?
I looked around, but I saw nothing.

No, it seemed as if the very concept of seeing had disappeared.
I saw nothing when I opened my eyes, and it was the same when I closed them.

‘Why am I here?’

I tried to recall, but nothing came to mind.
Only an infinitely warm feeling enveloped me.

It felt like sinking endlessly into a deep lake… That’s what it felt like.
And my legs didn’t hurt.

It wasn’t like the sensation was gone, they just didn’t hurt.
If I surrendered myself to this warmth, I could surely fall asleep comfortably.

Albeit, alone…

Alone…

Strange.
Being alone was natural, but strangely, my heart ached.

It felt like I had forgotten something…

―Nae!
―…again today―!

A faint but somehow familiar voice echoed.
Who is it? Why can’t I remember?

I tried hard to recall who the voice belonged to, but nothing came to mind.
No matter how hard I tried, I could only feel familiarity, I couldn’t recall who it was.

―…rabbit hole….

Rabbit.

Yes. Rabbit.
A rabbit with bright red eyes and black fur.

The moment I recalled that, I felt as if something was pushing my back, and the feeling of floating disappeared.
As I opened my eyes, as if being pulled out of the mud, I saw a familiar ceiling and a little one mumbling something alone.

“Black, rabbit….”

The little one, who suddenly lifted his head, stared at me blankly.
Seeing him about to burst into tears any moment, I bared my teeth and smiled.

Because the little one always smiled when I did.
Hoping he would smile this time too, I smiled.

“What… are you, mumbling about… Jeez… I can’t sleep…”

I said, looking at the little one with a teasing tone.

Suddenly,
The little one hugged me.

I was surprised for a moment at the feeling of my shirt getting wet.
I chuckled and stroked the little one’s head.

“Heh… You’ve become quite the crybaby while I wasn’t looking…”

“Nae…! Nae…!!”

My heart ached at the sight of the little one crying so sorrowfully.
I wanted to comfort him, but I was more worried about the hunters.

“Don’t cry, it hurts…”

I wasn’t afraid of dying, I was afraid that the little one might be killed by those hunters.
As I said that, the little one tried to hold back his tears, his face turning red from the effort.

“Hic…! Hic…!”

He’s going to choke.

“Sigh… Fine. Just cry….”

He’ll calm down if I comfort him a bit.
As I patted the little one’s head, he cried and laughed breathlessly.

…Did he hit his head while I was asleep?
I was genuinely worried.

“Cry or laugh, just pick one… I’m losing my mind watching you…”

“Then, then… I’ll laugh…”

His forced laughter was heart-wrenching, but he tried to smile for me anyway. After that, the little one who had been clinging to me for a long time vented his displeasure in my arms.

“Why… Why didn’t you say anything until it got this bad…”

“I didn’t want you to worry, or blame yourself for my injuries, that’s why I didn’t say anything.”

That was a lie.

I was just… afraid of being left alone, afraid of dying alone. That’s why I acted like a child. Despite knowing how much it would hurt the little one, I had been telling such lies because of my selfish heart.

“What the hell…”

Exactly.

“You could have told me that much… We’re family…”

His words hit me like a nail driven deep into my heart. After losing my parents, I had lived a lifetime amidst contempt and prejudice.

I had lived like a monster, burning my body with anger and hatred. The fact that there was someone who considered me as family was so joyful, yet…

The fact that I had no choice but to leave such a person behind was so painful that I couldn’t say a word.

“Pfft… Right… Family… We’re family.”

But I forced a laugh. The lie had grown too big to backtrack, so I decided to keep lying till the end.

Since I’m a selfish person, I’ll remain selfish till the very end. Even if I’m resented later… at least for now, I want to leave happy memories.

I let out a sigh I had been holding back and stroked the little one’s head, smiling.

“So, am I becoming a mother?”

“Can I… call you mom?”

“Sure. Should I call you… son?”

I wondered if I had the right to call you my son. After a moment of thought, I laughed awkwardly and mumbled.

“Hahaha… I’ve never even held a man’s hand, let given birth to a child, but I’ve suddenly become a mother.”

“…Do you… hate it?”

How could I possibly hate it? Who could dare to refuse such a grateful person, such a miraculous happiness?

“No, it’s just a bit surreal.”

But it was too embarrassing to say it out loud, so I spoke a bit harshly.

“When I first picked you up, I never thought we’d have this kind of relationship.”

That’s why I hadn’t even asked for your name until now. I was afraid that if I asked, I might not be able to let go when the time came to say goodbye.

Instead of a passing breeze, it might become a scar etched into my heart. That’s why I hadn’t asked.

But now… No, because it’s now, I should ask.

“Come to think of it, I still don’t know your name. What’s your name?”

At my question, the little one looked at me with a sulky expression. Seeing his face, I tried to smile, and the little one grumbled softly.

“…Isn’t it too late to ask?”

“No, well… Like I said earlier. I didn’t know we’d have this kind of relationship.”

I didn’t know you would be etched so deeply into my heart.

“Even when I found out you were a slave, I had planned to send you back to the village when spring came.”

As I shrugged my shoulders and spoke, the little one pouted his lips.

“Now, it’s not like that, right?”

Of course. It’s not.

“If it were, I wouldn’t have told you to call me mom.”

The little one closed his mouth for a moment at my words and seemed to be thinking.
Perhaps he couldn’t remember his name.

Or maybe he didn’t have a name because he was a slave.
Sometimes, I heard that some slaves didn’t even have names and were just called ‘hey, you’…

“…I don’t have one.”

As I suspected. That was the correct answer.

“You don’t have one?”

When I asked again to make sure, the little one nodded and answered.

“Yeah. I don’t. Have anything like a name.”

“Hmm… I thought you might be a slave, but I didn’t expect it to be true…”

Then, the little one said something I didn’t expect.

“So, Nae should give me one.”

I had no choice but to ponder over his words for a while.

I wondered if someone like me could give this child a name.
I wondered what right I had to decide this child’s name.

‘…Right. The right isn’t for me to decide, it’s for the child to decide.’

I just need to engrave the name I give him into his heart.
Yes, that’s all I need to do.

“I’ve never named anyone before, so it might be a strange name, but is that okay?”

“Hehehe, if it’s a name from Nae, anything is fine.”

His innocent smile was like a twinkling star in the night sky.
Star. Yes, a star.

“Then… Venus.”

“Venus?”

If I had to name a hobby for someone like me who had been isolated from people since childhood, it would be looking up at the stars in the night sky.
The brightest star among those stars.

“The star that shines the brightest in the sky. So, it’s Venus.”

The little one…
No, Venus chewed over the name I gave him several times, and soon smiled brightly and nodded.

“I’m glad you seem to like it. I was worried about what to do if you didn’t.”

“I said anything from Nae gives me is good.”

His response with a chuckle was quite cute.
Is this what it feels like to be a mother looking at her child? Everything he did looked cute.

“Hehe… I see.”

Suddenly, I looked out the window and saw that the snow had melted a bit.

“By the way… do you know how many days have passed since that day?”

“It’s exactly a week today.”

“No wonder my body feels heavy.”

…The happy times will soon come to an end.
My heart fluttered and my eyes welled up.

But I couldn’t show it now, so I stretched as if nothing was wrong.
There was a cracking sound.

“Ugh…! I feel like I’m going to die from lying down for too long.”

“Ah! Should I give you a massage? Or do you want to eat first?”

“No need. I can’t even sit because of my legs, let alone get a massage. As for food… I’m a bit hungry, but I need to treat my legs first.”

I said so, looking at my swollen legs. They were soaked in medicinal herbs and a green herbal solution.

It was a meaningless act, but somehow, my legs seemed to hurt less.

“I’m sorry… I tried my best to find and apply the herbs, but it didn’t get better at all…”

“It’s okay. It’s thanks to the herbs that it ended up like this. Otherwise, my legs would probably have swollen twice as much.”

“That much swelling? Wouldn’t the leg burst…?”

I burst into laughter at his genuine surprise and stuttering words.

“Haha! I’m kidding, just kidding. But you, you’ve been subtly speaking informally. You should speak formally to your mother, you brat.”

I tapped his nose lightly.
Wanting to be treated like a mom when I couldn’t even act like one, what a conscienceless wish…

“Hmm…”

I closed my mouth for a moment, took a deep breath, and gently held Venus’s hand.
A warm heat was transmitted.

I looked out the window.
It’s time to let go.

“Our black rabbit… no, our Venus. Can you do one favor for mom?”

“A favor?”

I was tempted by his cute tilting head.
But I held back.

“There’s a herb used when a leg is broken. But that herb is a bit far away.”

“Where is it…?”

My heart ached at his awkward but respectful speech.

“It’s beyond the mountain valley where I usually hunt. It’s a bit far… can you go there?”

“That’s easy! What does it look like?”

“Huh? Oh…”

After hesitating for a moment, I gathered my courage and continued.

“It’s yellow. A yellow flower. It’s blooming close to the ground and the color is so bright that you’ll notice it even at a glance.”

“Yellow flower… Okay! I’ll be right back!!”

I felt like I was about to burst into tears at the sight of Venus’s wide smile.
The warmth was leaving my hand.

Yellow flower.
Yellow flower.

Singing that song, my star left the hut.

I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to say goodbye.
But I hate to let my greed get you killed.

I’m sorry. This is also my greed.
But…. I still want you to live.

As my mischievous star disappeared, I etched his back into a corner of my heart and laughed bitterly.

“In the end, I couldn’t teach you to use formal language till the end.”

Goodbye, my star.
And I’m sorry. For not being able to be with you.

The door of the hut opened with a creak, and the night comes, bow and spear in hand.
The night deepens.