3. My and Your Hut (2)
Every day with the kid was fun, happy, and oh so fulfilling!
…No such fairy tale-like story happened.
However, every day with the kid was much more hectic than I thought, yet it i couldn’t be happier.
Of course, there were plenty of times when the kid’s lack of skill created more work.
The fact that we could share the work that I always had to do alone, and that we could spend the night together that I had to spent alone, was enough to make me overwhelmingly happy.
That was enough.
“I’ll be back.”
“Come back safely!”
How joyful it is to be able to say a greeting that I could never say alone.
“I’m back!”
“Welcome back!”
How satisfying it is to have someone to welcome me when I return home.
“Hehe. Notice anything different?”
How astonishing it is to see things changing little by little, not by me but by someone else.
Being able to exchange such trivial greetings felt like a dream, and it was a bit anxious every night.
In case all these things scatter like a dream overnight when tomorrow morning comes.
In case I wake up alone again in the empty hut. That was scary.
I was a child who was still afraid of the night, even though I was big.
In that sense, isn’t the kid, who doesn’t care even when the night comes, more of an adult than me?
Sometimes I had such silly thoughts.
“Let’s go to bed.”
“Okay!”
As if he knew my feelings, the kid always snuggled into my arms with a bright smile when I said let’s sleep together.
My hand, which was no different from a monster, became like a doll, and he fell asleep happily while hugging it tightly.
If I had been a normal person, if I had grown up normally in that village and loved and had a child.
I wouldn’t have been able to meet this kid.
“Good night.”
“Good night… to you too….”
So every time I saw the kid fall asleep hugging my hand, I started to like my hand, which I had only hated, a little bit.
I thought it was fortunate to be born with these hands, fortunate to be a monster.
I prayed that this dreamlike time would continue forever.
But there is no such thing as forever. That’s the most painful thing I’ve realized in my life so far.
So I took advantage of the kid’s sleep, sneaked out of bed, and sat by the window, took out the blank paper, thinking that I would have to write someday.
In case this miraculous time comes to an end, I wrote a letter for the kid.
Of course, because my hand is like this, I had to tear up the paper several times while writing, and I had to write each letter with care, but I didn’t give up.
I got up only in the deep night to write a letter, in case the kid sees it first, it took twice as long, but what does it matter.
Then one day.
“Nae…”
While I was writing the letter, I was startled by the sudden voice of the kid and looked towards the bed.
The kid, still asleep, walked up to the window where I was, without even fully opening his eyes.
“Huh, what’s up? You’re awake?”
“I woke up because it felt empty next to me…”
“Pfft! Somehow you seem more cold-blooded than me. Come here.”
That’s a relief. He must not have seen the letter.
With that thought, I hid the letter behind my back and reached out to the little one.
The little one, sitting on my lap as usual, fiddled with my hand.
Although I couldn’t feel anything due to the little one’s weak strength, I could feel the warmth.
After a while of playing with my hand, the little one suddenly asked a question out of the blue.
“But why does Nae live alone?”
“Huh?”
I blinked in surprise, not expecting the little one to ask such a question first.
What should I answer?
Because I killed people? Because I’m a monster?
After a moment of contemplation, I gave a bitter smile and waved my hand.
“Well, it’s because of these hands and teeth.”
I could have been completely honest, but I didn’t want to.
Because of my selfish desire not to be hated, at least by this little one, I tried to gloss over it.
“Why?”
Why, you ask…
Because it’s the hand of a monster.
I was about to answer like that, but the little one’s action was faster.
The little one looked at my hand for a moment, then overlapped his hand with mine.
“I think they’re cool.”
The words were so kind, and the hand holding mine was so warm that I was at a loss for words.
I thought I was dried up, but I felt like I was about to burst into tears, so I shut my mouth for a moment.
Looking out the window and calming my emotions, I smiled faintly and gently wrapped the little one’s hand.
“People often don’t know the difference between ‘different’ and ‘wrong’.”
“…Nae is not wrong.”
That’s admirable.
“Right. There’s no one in this world who’s wrong. There are just those who are different.”
I chuckled self-deprecatingly and picked up the little one, heading towards the bed.
“Alright! Let’s end this conversation here, if we go to sleep any later, our little black rabbit won’t grow. Let’s go to bed.”
“Okay….”
There seemed to be a mountain of things he wanted to say, but he didn’t ask.
This was enough for now. Just, this was enough.
‘I’ve already finished the letter anyway.’
A few more days passed.
As soon as I woke up, I felt strange, like my body was sagging.
I quietly got up from the bed and looked out the window, the light was dazzlingly bright.
It had rained overnight.
“….”
I had a bad feeling.
On days like this, things always went wrong.
“…sigh.”
But I had to go out. The meat was running low.
Of course, there was emergency food in the warehouse, but emergency rations were just that, for emergencies.
If I were alone, it would be different, but with the little one here, the reserves were too small to use just because the weather was bad.
In the end, I had to go outside.
Moving more busily than usual and thoroughly preparing, I patted the little one’s head, who had woken up at some point, and said,
“I’ll be back, don’t go far. Got it?”
“Okay! Have a good trip!”
Whether he knew my mood or not, the little one’s cheerful face made me warn them with a stern expression.
“Don’t just listen half-heartedly. It rained yesterday, not snow, so the mountain slopes are very slippery. Be careful.”
“Hehe, got it!”
The little one, chuckling heartily and nodding, seemed at peace with the world.
…Still, it’s much better than the gloomy old days.
I ruffled the little one’s hair with a soft laugh.
“I’ll be back then.”
With that, I left the little one, who was waving his arms in farewell, and headed for the mountains. The mountain path was slippery from the rain, but thanks to these hands, I could prevent any falls.
In fact, if I dug my nails into the ground and anchored myself, I wouldn’t slip even if I wanted to. Comfortably roaming the mountain, I hunted enough hibernating animals for a decent meal and looked up at the sky.
“I finished earlier than usual today.”
With plenty of time left, I decided to hide the letter and ventured deeper than usual. Having spent over 10 years in these mountains, I remembered several noticeable places, among which one stood out the most.
“Sigh… They’re blooming as always.”
It was a field blooming with hundreds of yellow flowers. It was a bit small to be called a field, but it was flat enough to be considered one in the mountains.
Satisfied, I dug into the ground and buried the letters I had taken out from my pocket. Just as I was about to get up from my spot,
Swish!
Thud! An arrow grazed my leg and lodged into a tree.
‘What? An arrow? Why?’
Staring blankly at the arrow stuck in the tree, I fled into the forest without looking back. There was only one creature in this world capable of using arrows.
“Huff…! Huh…!”
I dodged the arrows coming at me and ran deeper into the forest.
‘If I go back to the cabin now… the little one will be in danger…!’
A monster living in the mountains with a child. Or a monster disguised as a human. That’s how they’ll see it. Just because he lived with me, they’ll surely treat the little one as a monster too.
Realizing this, I gritted my teeth and glanced back.
‘Should I kill them?’
I contemplated for a moment, but quickly turned back and ran. I didn’t want to kill anyone, especially not here, where the little one was.
I was afraid he would be scared if he saw me covered in blood, so I ran away out of fear.
Faster than usual, I zigzagged around to make it harder for them to follow me. But these persistent fuckers wouldn’t let up no matter how much I tried to shake them off.
To make matters worse, I felt my strength draining faster than usual, as if the arrows were poisoned. Just as my vision started to blur,
Suddenly, my view dropped.
What I thought was snow-covered ground and stepped on was a cliff frozen over by the rain. I would have noticed it under normal circumstances, but I didn’t because of my concern for the little one and the poison.
‘Damn it…!!’
I fell off the cliff, down the mountain slope. The last thing I thought of as I fell was the little one, who would be waiting for me alone at home.
‘I’m sorry, little one.’
Feeling the snow cover me, I closed my eyes. Everything went pitch black.
Thanks.