Chapter 11 – 4. Breaking (End)

4. Breaking (End)

Why.

That hand.
Is that warm hand, hanging there?

“…So I shot its leg with a poison-tipped arrow. It missed, but the venom was from a Hydra, so that alone was enough.”

What the hell is he doing, proudly displaying my mom’s hand that used to caress me, like some kind of trophy?

“I used poison last time too, but I attacked before the poison had fully spread, which almost backfired. Since I didn’t know how the monster would react, I waited until the poison had fully spread this time.”

“…”

“After a week, I thought it was about time to check, and when I followed its tracks, heh. The monster was waiting in the hut.”

“Oh my god, and then?”

“What do you think? It was just sitting on the bed. It must have instinctively known it was going to die.”

The act of hanging a human hand as decoration and taking pride in it, the act of killing a person and bragging about it as if it’s a heroic tale.

“Without saying a word, it was looking at me, smiling.That expression was so creepy… So I stabbed it in the heart and killed it.”

“My goodness…”

“It took 7 years. 7 years. Haha, finally, my efforts have borne fruit. Now, once I get that hefty reward, We can live comfortably.”

“Shush! Is that something to talk about in front of the child!?”

Is this what humans do?

Hypocrisy.
It’s hypocrisy.

That person, and that person.
They were all just disgustingly repulsive.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. He’s too excited and talking nonsense… sweetheart…?”

The sight of him smiling like he didn’t do anything wrong, pretending to care about me… I couldn’t stand the nausea.

“…I… I just remembered something urgent. I’ll be going now.”

“Sweetheart? Ah, sweetheart!”

By the time I came to my senses, I was already carrying Nae and leaving the village.
I had forgotten about my shoes and the clothes I had taken off when I entered the hut, and I was only wearing leather pants and a thin shirt.

“…It’s cold.”

The cold reminded me of when I was kicked out of the mansion, but it was many times colder now.
Leaning against a tree, hugging myself and shivering, I grinded my teeth in unbearable anger.

Why couldn’t I say anything?

Why couldn’t I say that the owner of that hand was my mother?

Why didn’t I say that the person he killed was my sun?

“Stupid bastard… Stupid bastard…! Stupid, stupid, stupid!!”

I banged my head against the tree.
I banged it, and banged it, and banged it again.

Until my head was dizzy and the back of my head was hot.
Until my head cracked and hot blood trickled down my neck.

But no matter how much I banged my head against the tree, the anger in my heart didn’t subside.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to kill someone.

I was the one who was scared of that man, the one who ran away because I was scared of the man who killed my sun.
I wanted to die. I wanted to kill him before that.

I feel sick. I want to vomit everything out.
I hate it, I hate it.

I hated those two people enough to wish them dead.
I hated the world that took my sun away from me.

I hated the god who gave me nothing and only took.
I was disgusted by the hypocrisy of humans.

As much as all of that combined, I hated myself to the point of wanting to die.

“Ugh… Ugh… Nae…”

I hugged Nae and cried.
I kept crying in that spot until no more tears came out.

After that, I don’t remember anything.
All that came to mind was that I walked towards the city where the Saintess was when it was daytime, and when it was night, I fell asleep hugging the cold, cooled Nae.

After such a long… long winter, when spring was about to drive away the cold.
I finally arrived in the city where the Saintess was.

Familiar streets. Familiar buildings.
They flaunted their presence as if to stimulate memories, but none of that mattered.

After all, there were no memories here.
More importantly, time was of the essence.

As spring came and the weather warmed, Nae was gradually losing her form.

The decay of a dead body was a very natural thing, but I couldn’t accept it.

The city was in the midst of a festival, and they had fully opened the city gates, welcoming everyone without even checking.

“Ugh…! What is this smell…!?”

“Isn’t this the smell of a rotting corpse…?”

“Ugh…!? Shit, what the hell…!!”

Hatred, anger, irritation, discomfort.
Numerous gazes were poured towards me and Nae.

But it didn’t matter.
After all, those gazes would be irrelevant once Nae came back to life.

I took heavy breaths and roamed the city’s alleys.
Thanks to Nae being with me, no one bothered me.

Relying on the memories from when I ran away from the mansion, I arrived at the mansion that was strangely heavily guarded.
Could I… get through there?

The worry was brief.
Whether I could get through or not, there was something I had to do.

Taking a deep breath, I gritted my teeth and ran towards the mansion.
Each step I took, the pus oozing from my torn soles wet the stone floor.

It hurt to the point of death, but when I thought of Nae who was already dead, this kind of pain was nothing.

“Uh, Huh! Stop! Stop!!”

“Moveeeee!!”

For the first time, I yelled at someone.
That sound was like a beast.

The guards were surprised, they only aimed their spears, they couldn’t do anything.
Yes, with this. With this, I can definitely get through-…!?

*
*
*

“…! …!?”

It hurts.

Why does it hurt?

A spear? Was I hit with a spear?

When I came to, I was already rolling on the ground.
Why I had fallen didn’t matter at all.

‘Nae, where’s Nae?’

I searched for Nae, staggering.
My vision was blurry, buildings and people seemed to multiply… no, they merged into one, then multiplied again, making me nauseous, but I endured it and searched for Nae.

Fortunately, Nae wasn’t far away.
No… was she far? No, she was close.

“Nae… Nae…”

As I was crawling towards Nae.

“That crazy bastard… gave me a shock. What’s this…?”

The guard I had seen earlier was poking Nae with a spear.
A rage that felt like my heart was being torn to shreds, like my guts were being wrung out, surged up.

“Don’t, don’t touch her!!!!”

“Whoa, you scared me! You crazy bastard, shut up!!”

“Ugh!”

He kicked me in the stomach.
Unable to hold it in, I held my stomach with both hands and vomited onto the ground, my head hitting the pavement.

Bitter bile poured out, and my body shivered.
My throat was burning, and my stomach hurt.

My rage was trampled mercilessly by a single kick.

“That crazy bastard…”

“What’s going on? And that… ugh, what’s this smell!”

“I don’t know. I was trying to check it out, and this crazy kid suddenly rushed at me.”

The guards pressed down on the cloth covering Nae with a spear, and rolled Nae out of the cloth with their feet.
The revealed Nae…

“Ugh, shit…! So that’s why it smells like this…!”

Her face, which used to smile gently, was melting away, turning yellow.
Maggots were crawling out in her once warm body.

“Hey, you clean it up. You’re the one who found it.”

Her eyes, which always shone, were already hollowed out by bugs.
An unidentified liquid was flowing from her mouth, which used to smile brightly.

“Ah! Why! Why should I clean this up! That kid brought it!”

“Then why should I clean it up? You should clean it up!”

“Tell that kid to do it! Why should I do it! No, call the mortician!”

“Hey, today’s the day the Hero and the Saintess’s baby is born, do you think the mortician will come?”

“No, but still…”

“It’s not ‘but still’, the Hero has made it clear, do you think some random kid will make a difference? And look at that kid. Do you think he has any money?”

“Ah, shit, really…”

I slowly crawled towards the two guards and knelt down.
My body trembled under their gaze, wondering what I was doing.

But I had to say it.
Because in this situation, I was nothing.

“…Please call the Saintess. My mother.”

“…What?”

“Hey, what did this brat just say…? Did I hear wrong?”

“I, I…. I don’t remember how long it’s been since I left home…. I’m, I’m Rupert Beckshiria. Please…. Please call my mother….”

I pleaded earnestly, bowing my head and hunching my body.
Please. Please. I murmured over and over again.

And then.

“What’s all this commotion? And…. what’s this smell?”

I suddenly looked up at the familiar voice.
There stood the Saintess, Elior Beckshiria, whom I had been desperately searching for.

“Ah, Saintess. The thing is….”

As the guard stepped aside, my eyes met with the Saintess.
Seeing the Saintess blink as if she recognized me, I felt a surge of hope.

“This kid here claimed to be the Saintess’s…. kin.”

“….”

The Saintess, who had been staring at me for a while, said nothing.

“Mother…?”

“….”

The Saintess, who had been looking at me with a complex expression, wiped her face clean and turned away.

“Clean this up. I don’t know this child. And do something about this smell. I’ve been using purification magic to get rid of it, but it’s not a pleasant smell for a child.”

As she said this and turned her back, another child was in the Saintess’s arms.
A child with white hair like the Saintess’s was nestled there.

“Ah, yes! We’ll take care of it right away. Hey. Clean this up…!”

“Shi…. Hey! Come on!”

And so, I was thrown out of the city with Nae.
Lying side by side with Nae, looking up at the sky, it was so blue it was chilling.

I was in such pain, but people seemed to be so happy.
I was so lonely, but people were with someone they loved.

The world gave me nothing, yet it took away everything I had.
I hate myself. I hate the world. I despise myself. I despise the world. I loathe myself. I loathe the world.

There is no place for me in this world.

–In that case.

Thump–

“Let’s destroy this world.”

Something inside me broke.